How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? (see each breeds' answers below)

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me.

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier : I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don' t s ee a light bulb!

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or 'We don't need no stinking light bulb.'

12. Greyhound/Saluki: It isn't moving. Who cares?

13. Heeler/Australian Cattle Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?

Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

'How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?'
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

Author - Unknown

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, ''Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.''

So the Doberman says, ''I love liver and cheese.''
The Collie says, ''That's not good enough.''

The Bulldog says, ''I hate liver and cheese.''
She says, ''That's not creative.''

Finally, with his Mexican accent, the Chihuahua says, ''Liver alone......cheese mine.''

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

6:00 am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am- A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am- A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am- Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm- Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm- Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm- Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm- Milk bones! My favorite thing!

6:00 pm- They're home! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm- Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm- Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm- Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe . . for now.

The Cat

I believe someone has stuck a sign in my front yard stating I take in stray and unwanted animals!!!!  Surely they dont find me on thier own!!!  Or maybe they do.....I came home from work one day and laying in my yard was a beautiful white lab.  He didnt appear injured, but didnt make any attempt to move when approached, nor did he acknowledge the fact I was even there, so I went inside went to bed.  When I woke up the next day he had moved closer to the porch, still no attempt to move when I spoke to him.  Again, this time moving a little closer looking for possible injuries, not seeing any and no response, put out a dish of food and water.  He didnt touch it.  This went on for 3 days.  I had called the Humane Society,they had no room for him, put out posters, ads, ect......and was told that since I live out of the city limits, there was nothing they could do.  They even told me that I could shoot him if he became a bother.  I was livid!!! ME??? SHOOT A ANIMAL???  Of course, no one called to claim him.  I then inturn, named him Bud.  He became one of the best dogs I have ever had...started barking when someone drove into my driveway (long driveway) but never showed any signs of bad temperment!  He pretty much stayed around the house, but still didnt come when called.  I discovered the poor thing was deaf!  Making me love him even more.  I was fortunate enough to have Bud for 3 months before someone decided to shoot him IN MY OWN YARD WHILE I WAS AT WORK!  He was laying on my porch, still bleeding, nothing I could do but hold his head while he died.  The look in his eyes said it all..........THANK YOU FOR BEING SO KIND TO ME!  AND FOR LOVING ME!! 

I have rescued many animals, adopted many strays, and most of the time have found decent homes for many of them as well.  As I said before, I was Vice President of Humane Society in the state of Oregon for 5 years before moving here, so I have seen alot of neglect, abuse.  They say some people shouldnt have children, I say some people shouldnt have pets!!! I become livid when I see anyone mistreating them.  I only wish I could take more of them in. 

I'm an animal lover.  I wish I could personally help all the homeless, abused, lost, sick animals in the world, but I can't.  Instead, I visit the Animal Rescue Site every morning and "Click to Give".  Here is a short write up from their site:

"The Animal Rescue Site focuses the power of the Internet on a specific need - providing food for some of the 27 million unwanted animals given to shelters in the U.S. every year. Over 10 million animals are put to death every year in the U.S. alone because they are abandoned and unwanted.

Each click on the purple "Click Here to Give - it's FREE" button at The Animal Rescue Site provides food and care for a rescued animal living in a shelter or sanctuary. Funding for food and care is paid by site sponsors and distributed to animals in need at the Fund for Animals' renowned animal sanctuaries (including Cleveland Amory Black Beauty Ranch in Texas and the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center in California), pet shelters supported by the Petfinder Foundation , North Shore Animal League , and other worthy animal care facilities supported by the GreaterGood.org foundation.

100% of sponsor advertising fees goes to our charitable partners."

Here is the link to their site: Animal Rescue Site 

 It only takes a few seconds, and they even send email reminders (I know I need the reminder...LOL)!

Craigs new dog won't keep quiet and is barking the snow right off the trees!